worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I AM VODKA MAN
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
