Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
