Cold hands, warm shart.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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