She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
