First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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