im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
...so i touched it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
