take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
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