So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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