I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
