if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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