I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
