Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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