But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
