am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
