Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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