I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
