We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
