you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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