ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
