So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
