If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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