I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize