I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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