I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
