whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
