and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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