Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
