apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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