Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
