paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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