his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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