Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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