apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
