I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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