chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
