def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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