It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
