This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
