My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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