Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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