I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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