I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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