Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
