everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize