When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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