It's Friday. Sex?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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