i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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