so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
