Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
