I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
