dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
