I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
