then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so that wasnt chicken after all
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
