i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
