somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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