i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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