I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
