your room smells of hookers.
And success
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
