My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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