did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize