Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
