I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
