I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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