you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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