My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
