he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
