Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
