Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
