yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
