I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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