I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
