Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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