Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
