He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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