God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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