so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
