I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
