don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
