Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
