walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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