a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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