Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
bring money and cleavage
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
