Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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