video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
