Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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