YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
