A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
