he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
where are my eyebrows?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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