Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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