The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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