well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
