it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
