i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
