I think I just saw someone hide a body.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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