is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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