i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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