i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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