Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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