You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
