Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
