You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
