i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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